Moralize.us alpha

Stan

last seen Jul 26th, 2008

think too much
although let me think about it a bit...

let the horse die suffering instead of finishing him off
I'm a sadist.

don't rub your stomach and pat your head at the same time
last time I finally managed to do that, was on 9/10/2001. I'm not trying again.

don't fuck a dog
you may catch SuperAIDS. Do you know how AIDS came from? Monkeys. And monkeys are pretty similar to people. Dogs must have SuperAIDS.

report child porn to the FBI
your mother shot photos of you naked as a baby, that bitch belongs in jail!

be an atheist, but pretend to be a theist around your family so you don't upset them
upsetting them is the point

set off fireworks
it allows Creationists to see Darwinism in action

use a volcano
but never point it to someone's eye

accept money from family
otherwise they cross the line quickly. Exceptions: immediately family (you're used to talking straight to them).

don't point a laser at someone's eye
never point a laser at someone unless you intend to shoot him.

don't donate money to charities
sometimes they use them to feed poor people.

should internet neutrality be mandated by law
freedom must be forced onto our peers against their will, it's the only way.

use stem cells in research
dead babies don't speak

vote
voting is good, it's a choice in our hands, we can vote whether to vote for example

test drugs on people
God gave us poor people to advance medicine

don't be religious
I don't believe in gravity.

don't tell an idiot that he's an idiot
they might reply the same, thus causing an infinite loop

punch a guy with glasses in the nuts
don't worry he doesn't use them

don't punch a guy with glasses in the face
glasses may cause significant damage, instead punch in the nuts

don't tell my mom I'm gay. gay drag queen. gay drag queen heroin addict. gay drag queen heroin addict serial killer.
she can not accept a gay in her home

don't ask random questions with a bucket of cheese
cheese bucket may attract purple rapist gnomes. Be armed and prepared. They may try to answer random questions while another one approached you from behind.

don't remember to observe the Sabbath day by keeping it holy
I thought the Sabbath is a form of apple pie.

use MyISAM
data is overrated

don't honor your father and mother
you're the result of a poor birth control

loop up a girl's skirt
it's really hot in here

don't make idols of any kind
Music Idol sucks

covet your neighbor's daughter
you already coveted the neighbor's wife, and families must not be torn apart

don't live near a river of cheese
cheese rivers are a breeding ground for purple rapist gnomes

misuse the name of the Lord your God
if he's Lord *my* God, I'll do whatever I want with him.

answer every question on moralize.us with "it's your right to do so"
because it's your right to talk down on people

don't Suicide
don't do it, or else I'll kill you

use CAPTCHAs
you need to remind blind people that you are superior

covet your neighbor's wife
just like his wi-fi, I see no passwords on his wife, so she must be free

carry a handgun with you in public
you never know when you may stumble upon a man with a beard.

toss a large rock at Jamon
of course, realize, when he catches it, he'll throw it back

don't ignore people online
NEVER!! http://xkcd.com/386/

eat pussy
but it's important to do it properly: http://www.nedmartin.net/amused/pics/eat-pussy.jpg

eat junk food
recycling is good

assist someone who wants to die in commiting suicide
only if they pay you

troll moralize.us
it takes your mind away from the fact that you have AIDS.

dismiss info as a "troll"
anyone who doesn't agree with you, is a terrorist.

live in Bosnia and Herzegovina
living in a hard to pronounce country makes you hot with the ladies.

pretend to have certain political beliefs around your friends but vote a different way at the polls
because your friends have guns.

have sex
it's the anthropic reasoning: if we don't do sex, we won't be around to argue if we must do it.

masturbate at work
masturbating makes God kill a kitten. And you hate kittens.

steal food if you're poor
if you die without trying, you suck

get married
only then you can get divorsed, which is where the whole fun is at.

force your morals on others
because you're better than any of them

don't try and convince others to change their lifestyles and even pass laws forcing them to change their lifestyles because of your belief in global warming when you don't have a small carbon footprint yourself
I think way too long questions are wrong, never mind what they ask about.

don't break someone's anonymity
it means you're a douche bag.. Hmm a douche.. bag.. What does that even mean? A bag full of douches?

drink non-human milk
cows love it

kill a human
if you are an alien, and human subject refuses to accept anal probe. It's all in the name of science.

don't watch TV
90% of TV is junk, but if you're very very selective it's ok

don't do drugs
grammatically, you can't "do" a noun.

have a relationship with your cousin
only if she's Denise Richards

get really really stoned
however let who is without sin, cast the first stone. So it's logically impossible to get stoned, according to Jesus.

blast music so loud neighbors can hear
they have no hi-fi, and you need to learn to share

smoke cigarettes
being old sucks

love someone you can never have
depression is cool

dye your hair
but use only those colors: blue, pink, purple, orange, green. I also recommend combinations, like painting a rainbow.

let the cat outside
cats also like to party

don't drive without wearing a seat belt
you have a higher chance of dying without it in an accident. Whiplash effects are mitigated by your car airbag.

drive faster than the speed limit
it's your best chance of proving Einstein was WRONG about the speed limit of light

be a man and wear women's clothing
it's better than being naked. I know, that wasn't the question, but whatever.

write tickets to speeders all day long and then speed in your patrol car because you know you won't get a ticket because of your badge
you're a badass cop and the streets must fear you. don't forget to ask for bribes too

pick your nose
it's of utmost importance to preserve the integrity of the universe

brush your teeth using toothpaste
but avoid fluoride based toothpastes

floss your teeth
it's better than chiselling your teeth

brush your teeth
otherwise it can be gross. Paradoxically if you try to clean your teeth excessively, you can actually further damage them. So just apply it as a gentle hygiene practice and check with a dentist from time to time.

eat insects
it's just food, but I don't recommend picking up bugs from the floor and eating them ;) (applies also to any other sort of food). There are restaurants where those are safe and part of the menu.

don't possess child pornography if you are the same age as those photographed and no adults are involved in the production of it
you might end up in jail despite being a minor. Sometimes laws override morality.

spank your child
realistically it's the only way to get a message across to a 2-3 year old in some situations. But of course I don't mean harming the kid, just symbolically (they get the point quickly).

hijack your neighbor's wi-fi to get internet access
he left it open, and is spreading "welcome" messages across the whole neighborhood, so I feel welcome.

love yourself
<insert a pathetic speech about how we're great and so on>

don't push a fat man off a bridge in front of a speeding train to stop it from killing five people
even if he was the fattest man on Earth, he wouldn't stop a speeding train

flip a switch that will cause an out of control train to change tracks and kill one person if it means saving five people
based on existing information one death is better than 5 deaths, with further information this may change.

kill a spider
but only if it threatens the life or health of you or someone around you, or have become an infestation at your home. Otherwise why do it?

don't kill your deformed baby
it depends on the problem. Many people with all kinds of disabilities grow up to be decent people contributing to the society. But there are extreme cases where I believe there's no point to leave a man/woman suffering

don't kill yourself
it's usually a cop-out to a problem not as extreme as we may believe it is, but sometimes... well, people have really really screwed up (and self-censorship is part of a society, even if absurdly extreme form of one). We need a "Both ways" mode!

don't hate someone
it's often used as a tool to hide flaws or ignore problems. Of course, some people deserve to be hated, but it's far less common than we imagine.

to speak English?
I've seen plenty of sci-fi movies, and all aliens speak English too. It's the future!!

ask people if things are right or wrong
feedback makes implicit use of the natural gaussian curve of knowledge in people's opinion about most things. Some feedback means more accurate decision.

don't spend all day online
we all know it'as bad. But many do it (even as it's our work to do so).

don't execute a condemned killer
death penalty suffers from plenty of problems, like possibility for abuse and harming citizen morale. But I think people with life sentence should be able to pick death if they explicitly want so.

say "bless you" when someone sneezes
if you don't say "bless you", the person will die from SuperCancer within 1 month.

don't use your real name online
remember that Jesse Jackson story with the microphone and cutting Obama's nuts off? People forget they are in public places and say private things. Anonymity is good

don't place a call to tel# +1 339 337 5181
wtf, some phone number?

spice up text-only sites
I no longer feel like I'm infoboarded and left gasping for air.